Why I Change Myself Around Others: A Your Yes Day Practice for Belonging Without Disappearing
When Being Together Still Feels Off
There are moments when you’re technically with people, but it doesn’t feel that way.
You’re in the same room.
Sitting at the same table.
Sharing the same space.
And yet, something feels slightly off.
You’re responding. Listening. Participating.
But you’re also adjusting, just a little.
Your tone.
Your reactions.
Your preferences.
Even time spent together can start to feel tiring, not because anything is wrong, but because you’re paying close attention to how you’re showing up. Many people describe this as feeling disconnected even when you’re with others, close, but not quite settled.
If you’ve ever wondered why you change yourself around others, you’re not alone. A lot of people search for that question because it doesn’t feel dramatic.
Just quiet.
And quiet patterns are often the hardest to name.
The Pattern We Keep Noticing
When this kind of distance shows up, it’s easy to assume something is wrong.
Maybe we’re not confident enough.
Maybe we’re overthinking.
Maybe we should just try harder to be ourselves.
But what we’ve noticed, over time, is something different.
Changing yourself around others is often about belonging, not insecurity.
We learn which versions of ourselves are welcomed.
We notice what keeps things smooth.
We adapt, not to deceive, but to stay connected.
For some people, this shows up as people pleasing.
For others, it’s quieter, adjusting opinions, softening preferences, editing reactions.
When that adaptation becomes automatic, it can start to feel like you’re present everywhere except fully with yourself.
That’s often when people begin asking:
Why do I change my personality around different people?
Why does fitting in feel exhausting?
Why do I feel like I can’t fully be myself?
These aren’t questions about failure.
They’re questions about how we learned to belong.
What Started to Shift Things
What began to change wasn’t trying to stop adapting altogether.
It was noticing how rarely there was a place where we didn’t need to adjust at all.
Not a perfect place.
Not a public declaration.
Just moments where attention could soften.
A pause before responding.
Letting a preference exist without explaining it.
Allowing a feeling to be there without managing it.
Those moments were small, but they felt different.
Less effort.
More ease.
A stronger sense of being connected to ourselves, even quietly.
Giving the Experience a Name
Eventually, we started naming what we were noticing, not to label it, but to recognize it when it showed up.
We began calling this shared practice Come As You Are.
Not as a demand to be fully authentic everywhere.
Not as pressure to stop adapting.
Not as a rule to follow.
But as a place to land.
A place where noticing is enough.
A place where you don’t have to justify who you are.
A place you can return to when belonging feels complicated.
Having language didn’t erase the pattern of changing ourselves around others.
It simply gave us somewhere to come back to.
Come As You Are — Shared Practice
Where Your Yes Day Lives Inside This Practice
Your Yes Day isn’t a scheduled day.
It’s the ongoing practice of allowing care for your physical, emotional, and mental well-being, especially in moments where you’re used to putting yourself second.
Within Come As You Are, Your Yes Day often shows up quietly.
Allowing yourself to check in before responding.
Allowing rest instead of performance.
Allowing your internal experience to matter, even if nothing changes outwardly.
You don’t have to stop adapting to practice Your Yes Day.
You’re simply allowing yourself at least one internal yes, even when the external world asks for adjustment.
That permission can be enough to stay connected to yourself.
Why This Fits Real Life
Most people aren’t changing themselves around others because they don’t care who they are.
They’re doing it because life is layered.
Different spaces ask for different things.
Some environments feel safer than others.
Belonging isn’t evenly distributed.
In that reality, Come As You Are isn’t about being yourself everywhere.
It’s about having:
awareness instead of self-criticism
permission instead of pressure
a place to land instead of something to fix
Your Yes Day supports that, not by adding more to do, but by letting something soften.
If You’re Wondering Whether You’re Doing This Wrong
Let’s name this clearly.
If you still adapt sometimes, that’s normal.
If belonging feels conditional in certain spaces, that makes sense.
If being yourself feels easier in some places than others, you’re not imagining it.
This practice isn’t asking you to choose between yourself and others.
It’s asking whether you’re included in the room too.
Something You Can Try
No setup required.
The next time you notice yourself adjusting to fit in, pause and ask:
What would it look like to allow myself to be here, just as I am, even internally?
You don’t need to act on it.
You don’t need to change anything.
Noticing counts.
That’s often how Come As You Are begins to live inside real moments.
A Shared Practice You Can Return To
This way of thinking is part of our shared practices, places we return to when life feels full and belonging feels complicated.
They aren’t instructions.
They aren’t solutions.
They’re simply places to land.
You’re always welcome here.
