Why Do I Change Myself Around Others, and How Squish Gardens Helps Us Come As We Are

When Adapting Happens Without Us Noticing

Most of us don’t wake up planning to change ourselves around others.

It happens quietly, in conversations, in shared spaces, in rooms where we want to belong and staying connected feels important.

We adjust our tone.
We soften our reactions.
We make ourselves easier to be around.

Often, we’re still listening. Still participating. Still showing up.
But we’re also paying close attention to how we’re showing up.

Over time, that kind of attention can feel tiring, not because anything is wrong, but because belonging starts to require effort. That’s why so many people later wonder why being with others feels draining, even when the relationships are good.

If you’ve ever noticed yourself doing this, or felt like you change your personality around others, you’re not alone. This is a quiet pattern many people carry without having language for it.

Why We Learn to Adapt in the First Place

A lot of people describe this experience as people pleasing.

But when we slow down and look more closely, it often starts somewhere more tender.

Adapting is one of the ways we learn to stay connected.

We learn which versions of ourselves are welcomed.
We notice what keeps things calm.
We adjust, not to deceive, but to belong.

This isn’t a flaw.
It’s a strategy, one that often worked.

The difficulty isn’t that we learned to adapt.
It’s when adapting becomes the only way we know how to stay included.

That’s often when people begin asking quiet questions:
Why do I feel different around different people?
Why does fitting in feel exhausting?
Why do I feel present everywhere except fully with myself?

These aren’t questions about failure.
They’re questions about how we learned to belong.

What Being in Nature Does to the Body

One of the first things we noticed, long before we had language for any of this, was how different we felt outside.

In nature, there’s less to manage.

No one is watching how quickly you respond.
No one needs you to explain your preferences.
Nothing asks you to perform or adjust.

The body settles before the mind catches up.

Breath slows.
Shoulders drop.
Attention widens instead of tightening.

Being in nature doesn’t ask you to be anything.
And because of that, you often remember who you are without trying.

This is one of the reasons Squish Gardens exists.

What Growing Things Quietly Teaches Us

When you spend time growing plants, something becomes very clear very quickly.

If a plant isn’t thriving, you don’t shame the plant.
You don’t tell it to try harder.
You don’t ask what’s wrong with it.

You look at the conditions.

Is there enough light?
Too much water?
Not enough space?
Poor soil?
Too much wind?
Not enough time?

Growth doesn’t happen through effort.
It happens through environment.

The Squish Gardens space is built on this truth.

People are no different.

When someone is constantly adapting, shrinking, or scanning for approval, it’s rarely a character issue. It’s often a sign that the environment hasn’t felt safe enough to allow ease.

Change happens when conditions change.

How Squish Gardens Helps Us Be Ourselves

The Squish Gardens space is intentionally designed to feel different from places where belonging depends on performance.

In Squish Gardens:

• there’s room to move slowly

• there’s permission to pause

• there’s no expectation to explain yourself

• there’s no urgency to be “on”

Because of that, something subtle shifts.

People often notice they scan the room less.
They respond more slowly.
They stop rehearsing what they’re about to say.

Not because they’re trying to be authentic,
but because the environment no longer requires constant adjustment.

That’s how being yourself begins to feel possible again.

Come As You Are, Held by the Environment

The Come As You Are shared practice isn’t a demand to be fully yourself everywhere, all the time.

It’s an invitation to have at least one place where you don’t have to manage who you are to belong.

Nature is often one of the safest places to practice this.

And Squish Gardens is an extension of that, a space shaped by the same principles:
gentleness, patience, permission, and time.

It’s not about stopping adaptation altogether.
It’s about having somewhere you can set it down.

Somewhere you don’t have to earn your place.

Why This Matters in Real Life

Most people aren’t exhausted because they don’t care.

They’re exhausted because they care deeply, and they’ve been carrying the work of belonging on their own.

When there’s no place to come as you are, adaptation becomes constant. Even good relationships can start to feel heavy. Even shared time can feel like effort.

Sometimes the most meaningful shift isn’t changing yourself.

It’s changing the environment around you.

A Question You Don’t Have to Answer

Where in your life, or in nature, do you feel even a small sense of ease?

You don’t have to decide anything.
You don’t have to act on it.

Just noticing the question is enough.

A Shared Practice of Space, Soil, and Gentleness

Squish Gardens and Come As You Are are part of the shared practices we return to when belonging feels complicated.

We’re not here to tell you how to be different.
We’re here to tend spaces where you’re already allowed.

If you’ve spent a long time adapting to belong, you’re welcome here.
Just as you are.

This space, like any good garden, will still be here when you’re ready to return.